The Holy Family

The Holy Family came into being because of God and for God. Though Mary and Joseph were already betrothed, Mary would not have conceived Jesus without the Holy Spirit. Joseph was ready to divorce Mary if not for the angel's intervention in a dream. While the Holy Family is a traditional family as we understand it, it is not a conventional family.

Despite popular, traditional images of them, neither did they lead a tranquil life. Jesus is born homeless and into poverty. They must flee their country under the threat of execution to live as refugees in Egypt. It is a family born into tremendous exterior pressures.

Families today know pressures as well. For economic reasons, both parents frequently have to work outside of the home making meals together on a regular basis difficult. The price of real estate makes longer commutes necessary further limiting time with the family. And those are just some of the pressures on traditional, two parent families. We haven't mentioned single family homes where these pressures are doubled. And then there are "blended" families where step-parents and step-children are constantly testing the boundaries of their relationship adding to the tension within the home.

The status of the family today causes a lot of hand wringing, especially in the Church. There are fewer and fewer traditional families. More young Catholics are opting to live together before marriage and are often choosing to be married outside the Church. But, things are not going to change any time soon. We can't turn the calendar back to 1955.

We are right as Christians and as good citizens to promote the welfare of the traditional, two parent family. Children born in such families are no doubt better off economically and psychologically. But, at the same time, we must recognize that in today's society when bodies mature more rapidly and adolescence lasts well into the 20's, people are going to make mistakes resulting in out-of-wedlock births and divorce.

A spiritual director once told me that God is not in the "ideal", but in the "real". The traditional family is an important ideal. But, God is not found in ideal families or in ideal people, but in real families and in real people. As painful as our past may have been and as much as we wish we could go back and fix our mistakes, God doesn't give us the option of going back in time. God is spending His grace on us in our real lives and in our real families as we find ourselves today. God's grace happens in families that are "blended" and those that need to be mended.

Families are never perfect, even when they are the ideal, traditional family. They are all marked by joy and pain, mistakes and good choices. The Holy Family - Jesus, Mary and Joseph - knew the pressures of family life. The difference was that they experienced God's presence even in those difficulties. Even with all the pressures of daily life in today's society, we can experience God's presence with us and teach our children to recognize Him as well. Then we have fulfilled our mission as a family, no matter what our family looks like.

Pope Benedict XVI speaks about the mission of the family beautifully in his message for the World Day of Peace:

Indeed, in a healthy family life, we experience some of the fundamental elements of peace....the family is the foundation of society for this reason too: because it enables its members in decisive ways to experience peace. It follows that the human community cannot do without the service provided by the family. Where can young people gradually learn to savour the genuine "taste" of peace better than in the original "nest" which nature prepares for them?

If we are experiencing God's peace in our families and schooling our children in the ways of peace, then we are the type of family that God expects.